Stay at Home Mom?

When I first started having children, being a stay-at-home Mom wasn't a really big priority in my life. As more children came along, out of necessity I stayed home and left my job with the post office. At the time I was a rural carrier sub in a small town we lived in at the time but childcare was just too expensive. That was when I was actually paying childcare for 3, sometimes 4 and it didn't pay to work. As the children got older, I started working again at my current post office, again as a rural carrier sub. It's a job I really enjoy-being out in nature, seeing animals and the peace and quiet...well most of the time. The bad days are when it is raining or a windy winter day and I get a flat tire.

The spring of 2007 brought a letter to my mailbox from the Census Bureau. I had worked for them during the 2000 population count. The letter was inviting me to a testing and interview session in the area for "part-time intermittent" work. I decided to check it out. When I was offered the job, Shannon and I both thought it was a great idea. We had recently stopped doing foster care so didn't have young children in and out as much. Our own children were getting older and able to be along once in awhile and paying private school tuition for two of the children was really stretching us financially. We also saw an opportunity to bring in some extra income to help pay off debt. We both knew that we couldn't move to Tanzania with a debt load here. I took the job, happily plugging away on survey work about 20-30 hours per month. I found the work itself to be a challenge but also fun to travel over a 5 county area near our home meeting people and seeing the countyside.

Recently another survey was added to my position and it has increased my workload dramatically. Dramatically as in, I have worked about 90 hours so far this month with another 15 or so to go. This particular survey will have a very heavy workload through the rest of the year but in January will have me doing most of my work at home by phone.

For the first time in a long time though I find myself feeling very divided. I feel that my first God-given responsibility is to my husband and children-to being a helpmeet to Shannon, to raising our children together and being available for them, cleaning our home and cooking-you know, the stay-at-home Mom kind of stuff. The Census Bureau loves my work and are trying to move me into more full-time work. They think they are doing me a favor. They are, I appreciate the hours and pay and the benefits that will be starting soon but it is so hard. I feel like I am letting down my family and myself but I also know that for this time, earning this income to pay down debt and tuition is what I need to be doing.

I hate being gone on the weekends and in the evenings, being unable to make plans with extended family for the times when most people are off work. It's frustrating to me but a necessity as well.

Please keep our family in your prayers through these next several months as we adjust to me being away even more than I had been. We are hopeful that once January comes and the work turns into mostly phone calling I'll be able to keep up the pace without so much struggle.

Oh and by the way, that's why I haven't been posting as much. When I am home, being on the computer is pretty low priority, at least for the time being.